The Hearts We Burn Read online

  Also by Briana Cole

  The Unconditional Series

  The Wives We Play

  The Vows We Break

  The Hearts We Burn

  Published by Kensington Publishing Corp.

  THE HEARTS WE BURN

  An Unconditional Novel

  BRIANA COLE

  KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP.

  www.kensingtonbooks.com

  All copyrighted material within is Attributor Protected.

  Table of Contents

  Also by

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Epigraph

  Chapter 1 - Adria

  Chapter 2 - Kimera

  Chapter 3 - Adria

  Chapter 4 - Kimera

  Chapter 5 - Adria

  Chapter 6 - Kimera

  Chapter 7 - Adria

  Chapter 8 - Kimera

  Chapter 9 - Adria

  Chapter 10 - Kimera

  Chapter 11 - Adria

  Chapter 12 - Kimera

  Chapter 13 - Adria

  Chapter 14 - Kimera

  Chapter 15 - Adria

  Chapter 16 - Kimera

  Chapter 17 - Adria

  Chapter 18 - Kimera

  Chapter 19 - Kimera

  Chapter 20 - Kimera

  Chapter 21 - Kimera

  Chapter 22 - Kimera

  Chapter 23 - Kimera

  Chapter 24 - Kimera

  THE HEARTS WE BURN

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  Teaser chapter

  To the extent that the image or images on the cover of this book depict a person or persons, such person or persons are merely models, and are not intended to portray any character or characters featured in the book.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

  DAFINA BOOKS are published by

  Kensington Publishing Corp.

  119 West 40th Street

  New York, NY 10018

  Copyright © 2020 by Briana Cole

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.

  Dafina and the Dafina logo Reg. U.S. Pat. & TM Off.

  ISBN: 978-1-4967-2198-3

  ISBN-13: 978-1-4967-2201-0 (ebook)

  ISBN-10: 1-4967-2201-9 (ebook)

  First Kensington Electronic Edition: March 2020

  I dedicate this third book to my three boys, Sean, Elisha, and now Benjamin. Mommy loves you all with everything in me and I sincerely hope you watch me and are inspired to pursue your own dreams.

  “Sometimes you have to burn yourself to the ground before

  you can rise like a phoenix from the ashes.”

  —Jens Lekman

  Chapter 1

  Adria

  I never thought I would hate my husband. Well, maybe not hate, because that is such a strong word. Nevertheless, as I listened to his voicemail greeting message for the third time, I couldn’t help but feel a strong emotion superseding anger. That’s for damn sure.

  I pulled the phone away from my ear without bothering to “leave a message for ya boi,” as Keon had so eloquently instructed in his greeting. I knew he was doing it on purpose, and that’s what was eating at me. He couldn’t feign ignorance with this appointment. I made sure of that. We hadn’t been speaking, but I had reminded him all week and even this morning before he left for work. So how convenient was it that his phone was off when his truck should’ve been parked in this deck right along with mine.

  Three months. It had been three months since our lives had changed so drastically, three months of this bullshit, and time was doing nothing but driving us further and further apart. I rested my head on the back of the seat and glanced out at the traffic clogging the city streets of Atlanta. Somewhere, a horn blew, a siren wailed, and a slew of pedestrians hurried along the sidewalk through rush-hour congestion, probably to make it home to their families. I swallowed a wave of envy. If only life were still that simple for me. I was too busy dealing with my own losses, my husband included. Fact was, he was showing me he didn’t care, and I was slowly adopting those same sentiments.

  The phone suddenly rang in my hand, which startled me. Sure enough, Keon’s number flashed across my screen. I quickly picked up.

  “Where are you?”

  “Damn, good afternoon to you too, wife.”

  I rolled my eyes at the smart ass comment. “Keon, today is not the day. Where are you?” I knew what he was going to say before the words even filtered through the phone. Same shit I had heard for our last two sessions.

  “I have to work late. Sorry.” His tone was anything but apologetic, which only heightened my anger. Maybe hate was the right word after all.

  “Keon, I thought you said you would be available. That’s why we scheduled this appointment today for this time. Because you said it was convenient for you.”

  “Why you acting like that, Dria? Therapy was your dumb-ass idea anyway.”

  “My dumb-ass idea?”

  “Yeah, you’re the one with whatever mental shit you got going on and I’m trying to work with you—”

  “Boy, don’t act like you’re doing me any favors,” I yelled, not bothering to calm my tone. “You act like you’re not even in this marriage. Like none of this is important to you.”

  “You tripping. All because I think therapy is bullshit?”

  “No, you know what? This whole damn relationship is bullshit. Keep doing you, Keon. And I’ll be sure to do me without you. See how that feels.” I hung up and immediately powered down my phone, cursing as my fingers trembled over the buttons. I knew I was arguing from another place because those words had felt completely empty. But as I shut my eyes and struggled to keep my blood from boiling over, regret began to ease its way into my subconscious. Not for the argument. Hell, that had become too common between us these past months. No, regret that I had walked down the aisle to give this man my heart again. Til’ death do us part, my ass.

  Sighing, I slid weary eyes to the clock on the dash. 5:08, already well into my allotted grace period, so I needed to get inside if I still wanted to be seen today. I grabbed my purse and stepped out of the car.

  I bundled my jacket tighter against the September chill as I made my way across the parking deck. The therapist’s office was in a high-rise in the hub of downtown Atlanta. But since it was adjoined to other doctors, realtors, and finance companies in the building, I certainly appreciated the discretion.

  I stepped into the elevator and jabbed the button for the seventh floor, maybe a little too forcefully, as a sharp pain pierced my thumb. When the doors closed, I could only stare at my piss-poor reflection in the mirror finish.

  I still carried baby weight, hadn’t bothered to try and get rid of it. Though I still looked the part, to my despair I was very much not pregnant. The realization had sadness extinguishing my anger and I touched my belly. Ghost flutters or something. My OB-GYN had told me it was common to still feel like my babies were kicking or rolling around in there. My head would want to feel there was still someone in there. My heart would need to feel it. But I was empty. In more ways than one.

  The doors opened to reveal a narrow hallway with watercolor paintings flanking one side and floor-to-ceiling windows along the other. At the end of the hall, a door with the words Waller Family Counseling etched in the glass automatically slid open to welcome me into the quaint lobby.

  The receptionist looked up and smiled. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Davis,”
she said, sliding the clipboard across the marble desk in my direction. “How are you today?”

  I wondered if she really expected a truthful answer to that question. I’m sure it was automatic, but would she be surprised if I actually told her how I really felt one time? I feel like shit, thank you very much for asking. But my lips thinned into a polite smile as I scribbled my name on the sign-in sheet.

  “Fine,” I said instead. No need to blurt out my frustrations to the poor little intern who made coffee and answered phones. Her little college courses probably hadn’t prepared her for an Adria Davis. I would do enough of that in just a moment.

  Dr. Waller was a brown-skin sister who wore a short curly afro and not a stitch of makeup other than lip-gloss. I always thought she looked entirely too young for this job, like she needed to be taking notes in a black history university classroom instead of being burdened with the world’s problems on her shoulders. But she was kind and patient, which kept me booking session after session, even if it didn’t initially feel like I was getting better.

  “Adria.” She hugged me as we stood in the doorway, a genuine embrace like best friends. I held on a moment longer, inhaling the nostalgia of that familiar feeling, before I let go.

  “I’m sorry I’m late, Dr. Waller,” I said as she closed the door behind me.

  “Evelyn,” she corrected.

  I nodded. “Evelyn.”

  We sat together, side-by-side on the plush leather couch overlooking the city skyline. In front of us, a recorder and two cups of water sat on the coffee table. Evelyn crossed her legs and folded her hands in her lap.

  “Where is your husband?” she asked, though I’m sure she knew my answer.

  “He’s working late.”

  “Do we need to reschedule?”

  “He’ll probably be working late then too.”

  Evelyn nodded her understanding and remained silent, watching me gather my thoughts.

  “That’s why I was late,” I went on, the argument festering fresh in my mind. “He’s just being so damn difficult about this whole thing.”

  “I want to hear about that,” Evelyn said. “But first, tell me about a good time with your husband.”

  I sighed, already recognizing her tactic. She liked to do some kind of sandwich-method, start with something positive, then let out all my negative energy, then end positive. As irritating as the strategy was, the shit was effective. I let out a breath and closed my eyes.

  “You look so beautiful, Mrs. Davis,” Keon murmured, the words causing my body to heat with anticipation. I did a seductive sway of my hips, slowly peeling out of my wedding dress. The hotel room was nearly dark, illuminated only by candles my husband had placed on the bedside tables. His naked frame looked delicious lying on the white sheets and rose petals, and the light from the flame flickered across the hungry gaze on his face. He licked his lips and I wanted to cream right there.

  “I’m in love with you, Mr. Davis,” I said, crawling up from the foot of the bed.

  “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  He kissed me, caressing my lips with his tongue. “Damn, I’m gon’ get you pregnant tonight, girl.”

  I laughed and let him roll on top of me. This man of mine. My forever. Mr. Playboy, who I had waited through woman after woman while he got his shit together. Always his little booty call. Finally his wife. It was about damn time.

  “He’s dealing with it,” Evelyn said, her gentle voice breaking my memory. “In his own way.”

  “I’m the one having to deal with it,” I said on a frown.

  “Adria, he lost his daughters, too. And a sister,” she added at my continued silence. The last sentence had me wincing. She was right. Kimera was his sister, but she was my best friend. As much as it pained me to admit, it was easier to not think about her. Not thinking about her made it easier to not blame her, nor feel guilty about blaming her, since she had lost her life. More memories flooded through me, threatening to swallow me into some kind of black hole.

  “Tell me about Kimera,” Evelyn said. “Before . . . everything.” For the first time, I reached for my water and took a desperate swallow. Despite the fruit I knew Evelyn infused with the water, it remained tasteless, the liquid seeming to hit my stomach without touching my throat.

  “I had known Kimmy since middle school,” I started. “The girl was a mess, even then. Always seemed to be in some kind of trouble. But I loved her. More like sisters than friends. I used to tell her she never took anything serious, but that was just Kimmy. The epitome of living her best life. But we were always there for each other. I never even really came out and told her I was feeling her brother because honestly, I knew I was being stupid for that boy. Somehow, she always knew though. Just like I knew she was in love with Jahmad, Keon’s best friend. But Keon and Jahmad were both young and seemed to always be in some kind of competition on who could sleep with the most girls.”

  The statement came out snarky but that didn’t change the facts. Restless, I rose and wandered to the window.

  “Jahmad hurt her so bad when he moved away. It was clear he had just been using her for sex, hell, just like Keon was doing to me, but me and Kimmy, we were built different. I dealt with the shit, but my girl, it changed her. There were times I didn’t even recognize her . . .” I trailed off at the thought.

  “Changed her how?”

  “Kimmy met Leo,” I said simply. “And well, you know the rest.”

  Of course she did. I had hashed out the past two years for Evelyn over the past five sessions. How Kimmy had met Leo, a man with two wives. How his long money had prompted her to enter the poly relationship as wife number three, because she would be able to get her hands on enough money so we could open our cosmetic store. The fact that Leo had been harboring a huge secret, and that secret resulted in me and Kimmy being kidnapped and tortured for nearly a week. That was three months ago, but it seemed like yesterday.

  Pain snatched me from darkness, piercing my body like a thousand blades stabbing from flesh to bone. Everything was throbbing, and a slight ringing in my ears seemed to overwhelm the quiet conversation. Someone was talking. No, several people, in hushed whispers, as if they feared disturbing me. But as the raw memories came barreling back, licking the recesses of my subconscious, I knew it was too late. I was well past disturbed.

  I moaned, not bothering to open my eyes to face the dark realities. I was in this mess because of Kimmy—being held hostage, deprived of food, and subjecting my babies to this torture. I hadn’t done anything but be a good friend, but now . . . A noise ripped through my thoughts, followed by silence. I could feel eyes on me. Then,

  “Adria?” Keon. My husband’s voice held the weight of uncertainty. “Babe? You awake?”

  I lifted heavy lids, squinting against the sudden glare of the hospital room lights. One by one, the other figures came into view, first Keon, then my mother-in-law, First Lady Davis. And judging by the man in the lab coat at the foot of my bed, my doctor.

  He came to the side of my bed, a gentle smile on his lips. “Mrs. Davis,” he said. “I’m Dr. Hinton. Can you hear me okay?” He plucked a pen-like object from his breast pocket and shined the light in my eye.

  “What happened?” My voice was hoarse, unrecognizable. I cleared it, bracing against a headache that was beginning to intensify.

  “You’re in a hospital,” Dr. Hinton. “We’ve been treating you for about eighteen hours, but it’s good to see you finally came through. Are you in any pain?”

  “Yeah.”

  “On a scale of one to ten?”

  “One hundred.”

  Dr. Hinton chuckled, though I didn’t see this shit as humorous. He scribbled something on a notepad, then checked some fluid in the IV bag near my bed. “We’ll increase the dosage of morphine,” he said. “And I’m going to check on your MRI and ultrasound results.”

  Ultrasound? My hand went to my stomach in alarm. “Are my babies all right?”

  Dr. Hinton’s ey
es lowered before glancing to Keon on my other side. The panic rose with this silent exchange of information.

  “Babe,” Keon’s voice cracked. “They did everything they could—”

  “No!” I shook off his hand and lifted the sheets to eye my stomach. I still had a pudge. My babies were okay. They had to be. “They’re fine,” I said, sinking back into the pillows in relief. “Thank God.”

  First Lady Davis turned her back to me, shielding her face from view. I looked back to Keon.

  “They’re all right,” I said with a small smile. “I’m all right. We’re all right.”

  He shook his head and my heart fell as the first few tears rolled down his cheeks. “No,” he said. “We’re not.”

  “Do you feel like it’s Keon’s fault you lost your babies?” Evelyn’s voice again cracked through my sordid memory as I struggled to blink back tears.

  “No,” I shook my head, my voice surprisingly forceful. “No, of course not.”

  “Then why are you so angry with him?”

  “I’m not angry with him. I’m angry with . . .” I trailed off, my heart not allowing me to utter the name. I shouldn’t have been angry with Kimmy either. But how could I not? Still, how could I place the blame on a ghost? Yes, my babies had lost their lives in this mess, but so had Kimmy. And my nephew Jamal. So really, whose burden was worse?

  “You told me a few sessions ago that you were Christian,” Evelyn said. “Have you been praying about this issue?”

  I didn’t respond, afraid to let Evelyn know I hadn’t cracked open a Bible, nor said anything to God since the good pastor, my father-in-law, was killed. I didn’t like to admit I had turned my back on Him, but I couldn’t really see where He had helped me in any way thus far.